“If you’re truly committed and want your best friend to be your life partner, don’t date for too long or consider skipping the dating phase entirely just propose”
It is very possible for a man and a woman to become best friends without entering a romantic relationship. However, it is quite rare for such friendships to last forever. If I were given the chance to advise best friends of different genders, I would strongly advise them not to date. Dating your best friend is a gamble it’s either you win it all, or you lose everything. If you win, you gain everything, but if you lose, you lose it all.
In 2015, as I was preparing for my Form Five studies, I attended pre-Form Five tuition in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. During these tuition sessions, I formed a bond with a guy who eventually became my best friend. It was easy to connect with him because we had been schoolmates since primary school and continued through O-level. He was incredibly smart and a genius, and I benefited a lot from his help. From there, our friendship grew stronger and stronger.
By 2017, we had completed our Advanced Level studies, and our friendship deepened even further. This bond made us hope that we would be admitted to the same university, so we could continue supporting each other. I honestly felt lucky to have a best friend like him because he was always there for me. Even though we ended up at different universities, he was the person I communicated with most more than even my boyfriend. Our friendship kept growing, and we became so close that we began calling each other affectionate names like “baby,” “darling,” and “sweetheart.” These names never offended anyone because they came from a place of pure friendship.
In March 2020, when universities and schools were closed due to COVID-19, we all returned home. During this time, my relationship with my boyfriend was falling apart. My best friend was there for me constantly, visiting me at home during his free time, and sometimes taking me out to help me forget about the issues with my boyfriend. We spent three months at home together before returning to our universities when restrictions were lifted. Keep in mind, during our friendship, we could talk on the phone for hours sometimes even four hours without getting tired. At the time, I was still dating someone else, and he was too.
After graduating from university he with a BSc in Meteorology from the University of Dar es Salaam, and me with a Bachelor of Laws from Mzumbe University we found ourselves at home again without jobs. However, my friend always had something to keep him busy. Being a genius, he started tutoring kids and doing computer work, which he continues to this day.
By 2021, our feelings for each other had grown deeper, surpassing the boundaries of friendship. We tried to ignore these feelings, but they became stronger than we could control. Eventually, we started dating, and at first, it was amazing. My boyfriend would post about me everywhere, and I started to believe that dating my best friend was the best decision because we knew each other so well.
Dating your best friend can indeed be wonderful because you already share trust, understanding, and a deep connection. The foundation of friendship can strengthen the relationship and make it more comfortable. But later on, I realized I might have been wrong. Sometimes, I regret the decision to date my best friend, but it has already happened, and I cannot change the past. Now, we are just praying that we can reach the future we once dreamed of together when our relationship first began.
The Loss When Dating Your Best Friend
In 2022, I realized we were from a different world, we have nothing in common. As friends, we had clear boundaries that protected our friendship, but when we began dating, those boundaries disappeared. In a relationship, each person needs to feel loved, and the treatment you give should be reciprocated. In friendship, you can do things without expecting anything in return, but in a romantic relationship, you expect love and care in return. This hurt me because I knew deep down that we wouldn’t work out, and I couldn’t see a future together.
Losing Two People at Once
When the relationship doesn’t work out, you lose both your partner and your best friend. After a breakup, it’s often difficult to go back to the way things were. From my experience, although we haven’t broken up yet, our friendship isn’t the same, especially after the arguments and unresolved conflicts. If we do break up God forbid it will likely mean the end of our friendship as well.
Limitations in a Relationship
In a romantic relationship, there are limitations. There are certain things you might not feel comfortable sharing with your partner or asking for advice on. Before we started dating, my boyfriend was my best friend, and I could tell him anything as long as it wasn’t hurtful. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to or seek advice from. But after we started dating, things changed. The title changed, too. Now, there are things I won’t ask him about because we’re dating, and it feels like it would be disrespectful. For instance, I had a friend from church who used to like me, but we agreed to remain just friends. When my boyfriend was my best friend, I told him everything about this guy. However, once we started dating, he forbade me from interacting with him and insisted I block him. This was because he knew everything about me and that friend.
Friendships Should Remain Platonic
Some friendships are better left platonic because crossing the line into romance can complicate or even damage the bond. Platonic friendships offer comfort, trust, and emotional support without the pressure of a romantic relationship. Introducing romantic feelings changes the dynamic, often bringing jealousy, insecurities, or mismatched long-term goals.
If the romantic relationship doesn’t work out, it’s tough to return to the easygoing, supportive friendship you once had. You risk losing both the romance and the friendship. Keeping things platonic allows you to maintain that special connection without risking heartache or conflict.
My Advice
If you’re truly committed and want your best friend to be your life partner, don’t date for too long. The longer you date, the more the relationship can shift from easy friendship to complicated romance. Dating your best friend comes with risks if things go wrong, you might lose both the romantic relationship and the friendship. It’s important to make sure both of you are ready for the potential challenges and fully understand the impact this change can have on your bond. Keep communication clear and honest to avoid unnecessary heartache.
